more fire

I have been a railroader, furniture mover, inmate, brawler, hitchhiker, world traveler, smuggler, English teacher, idolater, reporter and copy editor. Above all else I am a Christian baptized in water, by fire and by the Holy Spirit.

I was born in 1977 to teenage parents who loved me but not each other. They never married and I was raised by my mom. Fortunately, I saw my dad often. My grandpa took me to church as often as I was willing to go and imparted to me the importance of faith. As I got older my mom and I moved further away from my dad and grandparents because she was pursuing work related to her degree. At the age of 12 I started to rebel. Along with some other kids I got into trouble for vandalism and burglary. The courts threatened to take me away from her but, thank God, they never removed me from her custody.

At 15 (the same age that my dad was when he got my 16-year old mom pregnant) I first smoked weed and had sex. I was in a hurry to do both and neither were initially as satisfying as I had hoped. Eventually they became my favorite pastimes. I often skipped school and, being the perpetual new kid, I also got into a lot of fights. During my junior year of high school the school board had an expulsion hearing to kick me out because of my history of disciplinary infractions. My mom’s tears saved me. She told the board how difficult it was raising a teenage son alone and that what she wanted more than anything was to see me graduate. The board allowed me to stay in school by one vote. A year later I graduated from high school and a week after the ceremony, at the age of 17, I left home to hitchhike around the American West.

I returned home at the end of summer and took a job at the cheese factory where my stepdad worked. I got an apartment with a few buddies from high school. I saved $100 from each paycheck every week and at the end of one year I bought a plane ticket to London. I was 19 when I arrived. I didn’t have much money but hoped to stay for awhile. I met some Hare Krishna devotees handing out books. I asked where they were staying. They explained they lived (rent-free) in a temple above Govinda’s vegetarian restaurant in Soho in exchange for handing out books and doing other chores. The next day I went there with my backpack and waited to see if they’d let me stay. I waited in the temple where people were chanting the name of Krishna in front of idols. Since I only knew the Islamic call to prayer, which I learned at age 17 from a Sufi who gave me a ride through Nevada, I chanted “la a laha ill alla.” They let me stay the night and for the next six months I backpacked around England, France and Spain staying mostly in Hare Krishna temples.

In Spain I decided to take a trip to India. My newfound knowledge of Hindu culture, and the fact that my aunt and uncle are missionaries to the deaf in the southern Indian state of Tamil Nadu, seemed reason enough to visit the subcontinent. I arrived at my aunt and uncle’s door in the afternoon. My aunt looked at me and said that I looked physically healthy (I had put on a few pounds in Europe although I had kept a strict vegetarian diet) but she said I looked spiritually sick (maybe because of my Hare Krishna haircut). I asked for a Bible and my uncle told me that if I wanted to read it I should start in the New Testament.

The Gospel of Jesus Christ shook me to my very core. Christ’s selfless love seemed deeper than anything I’d read about in the Bhagavad Gita, Dhammapada and other religious texts. While the other religions of the world try to offer wisdom to its followers (which it often does quite successfully) Christ was offering something greater than wisdom and worldly knowledge. As a youth I heard the story of Christ dying on the cross for our sins, but it wasn’t until I opened my mind and heart to God that I believed that Jesus voluntarily gave his flesh and blood so that we might have salvation. He not only taught charity and love, he lived it. He gave (and continues to give) His followers the gift of the Holy Spirit, which is God’s Spirit, as evidence of His sovereignty. Neither Buddha, Moses, Krishna nor Muhammed were able to give such a gift. Only the Son of God is able to give the gift of the Spirit of God.

After reading the New Testament I took a trip to the Himalayas to start reading the Old Testament. In the mountains I smoked charas with ancient yogis in strange caves. They had long dreadlocks and were covered in ash. They were adorned with three marks across their forehead to show that they worshiped Shiva. They also prayed to trees, carried a trident and worshiped personal idols which they believed were god. No matter how high I was (whether in the mountains or from the charas) I was convinced that Christ is Lord and I had had enough of worshiping at the altar of strange gods.

Upon returning to my aunt and uncle’s house I told my uncle that I believed Jesus at his word. My eyes were open and I saw through the pagan and new age religions of the world. I could see that many Hindu cult followers worship gods who often look like demons (Shiva, Kali, Narashima) and are even noted to cause chaos in the world. I saw that new age “spirituality” is nothing more than a watered down version of world religions. Christ lived like He expects His followers to live and He said that we must suffer for others as He suffered for us. I understood his message and trusted His word. I didn’t want a self-help schtick. I was seeking the path to salvation. It was in India, a land of idolatry, where I confessed Christ as Lord and Saviour. A week after returning from the Himalayas, and immediately after my uncle’s friend tossed a dead rat out of the baptismal (which doubled as the family’s water supply), I was baptized. Of course, life is never as simple as that. It’d be nice to say that I lived a godly life ever after, but I didn’t.

I returned to Wisconsin and quickly slid back into my old ways. I was working the same factory job and wasn’t going to church. I became frustrated and returned to a life in which I continued to, as the Psalm says, rage as a heathen. I enrolled in a small liberal arts college close to my grandparent’s house. I went to church sometimes, but wasn’t living for the Lord. After two years of college I took a trip to South America. Madness ensued, but that’s another story. I returned to Wisconsin and earned a BA in International Studies at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. After graduation I stayed with Dutch friends in Amsterdam and then spent several months in Morocco. While there I read the Koran and took pleasure in hearing the call to prayer throughout the day.

I was running out of money so I returned to Wisconsin. I was offered a job teaching English in South Korea and moved to a city called Cheongju, just south of Seoul. After three months of teaching English I, along with several other American and Canadian teachers, was arrested on marijuana charges. I was sentenced to a three-month prison sentence and then I was deported (see: Seoul Survivor). While in prison I petitioned the guards for a Bible. I started reading the Old Testament and found comfort in the story of Jephtah. Jephtah was the son of a harlot. He was forced out of his home by his brothers who feared that Jephtah would get their inheritance since he was the eldest. He moved to a foreign land where he became the leader of rogues and other adventurers. During his absence Israel was besieged by neighboring tribes. Jepthah’s brothers sought him out and asked him to return to save their nation. After making a pledge to God Jephtah rescued Israel from its enemies and became a judge over the land. Jepthah’s story reminded me of God’s mercy and I prayed to Him for deliverance. I was gradually returning to His fold. After I was deported I moved to the Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood of Brooklyn, New York.

When I first arrived in Brooklyn I was broke and needed money. Fortunately I was able to draw unemployment from the railroad company where I had worked seasonally for four years. In college I had written freelance stories for local newspapers so I figured I’d pitch ideas to various magazines in NYC. I started writing for High Times magazine, NY Press, several independent arts magazines, Muze, and some music Web sites. My life seemed to be going well. I had a girlfriend, an apartment, and work. But I was empty.

One early morning I was riding the A train to work when a West Indian man started preaching the word of God. Normally I’d take mild interest and keep reading my newspaper, but that morning it felt as if the Holy Spirit of God was speaking directly to me. The man walked up and down the train car proclaiming the kingdom of God. He stressed the importance of salvation through the atoning blood of Jesus Christ. It struck me that Father God was calling His prodigal son home. I repented in my heart and waves of joy began to rush over me. I knew that I’d need to be among other believers or else I would stumble like I had when I returned from India nine years earlier. I also knew that I’d have to get right with God to continue fellowshiping with Him. I gave up all my writing that was doing a disservice to my walk with God and moved out of the apartment I was sharing with my girlfriend. She eventually was born again and is also serving the Lord. I quit drinking, although I personally don’t believe that having a frosty mug is necessarily a sin. Smoking weed was a contentious issue for me. Even though it put me in a really bad situation in Korea I still enjoyed the occaional toke, plus I couldn’t find any scripture verses that explicitly dealt with it. A friend from church, who had been a smoker, told me that I needed to pray on it. I did and soon afterwards the pastor spoke about marijuana during a prayer service. The Holy Spirit convicted me and I haven’t smoked since.

A few months later a friend, who is not a Christian, asked me if I missed drinking and smoking. I told him, “Don’t tell, but I’ve been drinking everyday.” He was shocked. Then I leaned in and told him, “I’ve been drinking the new wine.” I explained that new wine is another name for the Holy Spirit and we laughed.

It was a difficult time financially after I quit writing stories that hurt my walk with God, but spiritually I was becoming richer every day. After six months of prayer, fasting and Bible study the Lord blessed me with a job in the editorial department at one of the top five most widely circulated magazines in the world. I have been in Brooklyn for about three years. Currently I am a member of The Brooklyn Tabernacle. In the summer of 2006 I ministered as an English teacher to immigrants at The Downtown Learning Center of The Brooklyn Tabernacle.

My girlfriend and I joined the prayer band in the winter of ‘06 and six months later, on June 23, 2007, she became my wife at a ceremony performed at Tavern on the Green in Central Park. As they say, we went “from the prayer band to the wedding band.” We are still very active in the prayer band and have discovered prayer to be a vital aspect to knowing God in an intimate and powerful way. Currently we are in the midst of forming an intentional Christian community called Radical Living!, which is based in Brooklyn. We are seeking God’s will in every aspect of our life and pray that we are able to glorify Him with all that we are.

God is merciful and full of grace. If he can redeem me from the clutches of sin He can save anyone. Praise His holy name.